Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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