Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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