I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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