im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda