..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
