i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
