I must be too annoying 4 u.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
