somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Randomize
