I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
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