i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
