Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
