he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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