yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize