I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
