Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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