wanna go halves on a baby?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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