i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
