this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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