i don't plan on having that self control this summer
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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