that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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