We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
