I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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