Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
