What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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