I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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