Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize