You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
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As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
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Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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