why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
