i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
