i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
