Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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