Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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