I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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