I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
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