Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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