she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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