my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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