I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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