he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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