Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Randomize
