they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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