Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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