clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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