just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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