Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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