I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
