Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
