Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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