I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
i need some magic done to my vagina
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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