U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
