My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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