he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
