god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
