he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
