im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
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