I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
